Every morning I wake up and I feel bombarded with questions. Unintentionally my sweet, lovely brain is searching for its true love; stability. I find myself wondering, what lights me up? What did I like doing as a kid? What scares me in a good way? When will I find my life’s purpose? On a quest to find my purpose, I searched everywhere only to be surprised by what I eventually discovered. What is the roadmap to find your purpose in life? Take the unnamed, swirly road and then call your Grandma…
Find Your Purpose in Life
I love asking myself intentional questions. But in my head, my oh-so-heady head, I’m fatigued. I don’t want to answer them anymore, I roll my eyes because I feel like I’ve answered them 50 million times. And still, I’m sitting here in the same yellow sweat suit I wore yesterday unaware of what I want to do with my life. Discovering out how to find your purpose shouldn't be this exhausting, am I right?
I’ve always imagined a big, magical reveal; my purpose in life would all of a sudden light me up, like the sun lights the mountains mid-morning.
My purpose could be a service that I provide every day or a creative endeavor that takes off running. Something big, bright, loud and worthy. Something I make bank doing. My brain loves the idea of it being something tangible that defines me. Then my darling ego wants her theatrical say in the matter too, she’s all, “My purpose needs to be something that I’ll be on a morning show for! Oh, and I want to be validated for it all day long, okay?!”
Throughout the last year I dug my heels hard into my inner world. It was a choice. Not an easy one or hard one, but one that I wholeheartedly made with my Spirit as my guide because my purpose was TBD.
I took courses and read books. I had countless conversations that forced me to ask myself challenging questions and rethink the entirety of who I am and what I believe in. I was frustrated a lot and I cried. I felt empty and I felt full. I was nauseous and then mega-happy.
I put myself in situations where I could learn more about myself. I took a solo trip and I ran out of journaling pages. I talked with friends about how to find your purpose in life. We shared our fears, joys and goals. We found resonance and comfort in each other. We laughed until our eyes watered and then made some lunch. I communicated needs and wants in areas where I used to just standby.
I witnessed family members break free of old patterns that held them back. I had fun and I danced my booty off to Ariana’s new album. I booked several plane tickets, just to cancel them. I had moments of crystal-clear clarity on life decisions and moments of heavy doubt that left me feeling like a sinking ship. After a giggle, I titled my future memoir, “When I’m Not Triggered, I’m Awesome.”
I wished my purpose would be revealed more than anything. I prescribed myself more nature and a phone call a day with my grandma.
My grandma is hysterical and one of my most favorite people. She loves gambling, holding my hand & apple pie ala mode. Last week I put my shoes on and popped my new RX. I walked through a community garden and called her.
We were talking about life and purpose and probably the Dollar Store. Then she asked me about work and I told her the same story I’ve told myself more times than I can count, “I don’t know what I want to do with my life, I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing!” She listened as I vented, and then said, “You’re smart and beautiful, that’s why I fell in love with you. You’ll get a job soon, you’ll work soon. I don’t know what I’d do without you, yuh nut head.” In that moment I giggled like we always do, but later when we hung up I took the deepest breath I’ve ever taken. That breath was my best friend forever.
I’m still in my yellow sweat suit, but I finally realized my purpose isn’t something I have to search for, or even question myself about. I don’t need to put pressure on my next move, or any sort of big reveal.
It is our daily practices that fulfill us and our life's purpose.
What if my phone calls with my grandma are my purpose? What if the tears I cried, smiles I shared were my purpose? What if laughing and dancing to Ariana Grande is my purpose? What if the toast I burned for my friend’s breakfast was my purpose?!
I know something else big, bright, loud and worthy will light me up, like the sun lights the mountains mid-morning, and it will feel really, really good. But it will also feel like I’ve been doing it this whole time.