The relationships we have with our families, our friends, our co-workers, and our significant others are mirrors for us to see and understand ourselves better. Without relationships, we’d have little to no external reference of who we are and who we are being. Yet, without inner work, our relationships can oftentimes repeat undesired patterns influenced by our undiscovered wounds. Explore the wounds you may be carrying and create a foundation for harmonious relationships through inner work.
A Self-Love Journey
A little over seven years ago, I sat at lunch with one of my male friends that I consider a brother. At that time in my life, I was beginning to prioritize self-love. I mentioned to him that one of the ways I had chosen to honor myself was to take a path of celibacy until my next committed romantic relationship. I acknowledged that I had some patterns to tidy up, not wanting to manifest the same kind of emotionally tumultuous relationship experiences I had previously manifested.
I like to think of patterns as internal software that wire our thoughts which end up dictating the choices of our actions.
This internal software has to be updated frequently to evolve with our life journey. In order to update, one has to embark upon a self-awareness and self-observation practice, an Inner Journey.
I innately understood that inviting something casual into my life would only continue said patterns (and pain) that needed to be rewired. My desire to enter my next relationship with a strong sense of self-worth required me to cultivate boundaries to make the healthiest choices possible for myself.
A Transformational Journey
My friend looked at me sincerely and said, “Not only is that an honorable act of self-love, but a transformational journey in its own right. Doing this kind of work will attract a man of a matching vibration, creating a relationship where the two of you will harmonize together. This is the inner work that will inevitably manifest the relationship of your dreams.”
I think back to these words he shared with me often over the last seven years. I lean on them as a morsel of hope during the nights I feel the depths of despair. I use them as inspiration during the times I feel everything is possible.
I look back in awe at the inner work I’ve done (and continue to do daily) to get to where I am right now. At the brink of my Jupiter Return the transformational journey I was told I would have certainly did come to fruition.
A Writing Journey
During the last seven years, I spent most of my time writing a book and television series based on my life and experiences with relationships. I turned my wounds into a comedic relational 12 Step program (think Sex and the City but with inner work as the driving plot). By analyzing all of my past relationships by writing about them (and comedically transmuting the energy since laughter is the best medicine), I was able to fully see where my control wound had its fingerprints on everything I touched. By typing out these stories, I was able to see exactly who I was and who I was being during all the phases of my life reflected through the lens of relationship.
The process of writing has gifted me tenfold. My dharma is one of a storyteller. Astrologically speaking, with my Mercury in Leo, I have no problem opening up, sharing whatever’s in my heart. By writing stories, I create content for others to intake, hopefully inspiring them to forge their own inner journey. By writing stories, I create a personal journal of my wounds reflected in the ways I, and my wounds, relate to others. Through writing, I have transmuted energy which therefore allows me to reclaim my power as I rewire patterns centered around control.
Once I acknowledged and accepted my past choices rooted in control, I was then able to move forward making new choices rooted in surrender (which is another transformational journey in its own right.)
A Relationship Journey
Relationships offer us a myriad of opportunities to witness how we are being. They are perfect examples of our inner work manifest via communication and reflection through another.
When we examine our wounds with discernment from a neutral emotional state, the more profoundly we begin to know ourselves.
Wound work is straight-up hard. There’s no need to even try to sugar coat it. The interesting yet humorous thing I find to be true about our wounds time and time again is that they often are some of our most beautiful gifts. I believe we are meant to share our gifts with the world. Why else would we be here if not to utilize our innate gifts?
Sometimes our gifts come out a bit twisted (mine have certainly had heavy doses of control and codependency tightly interwoven). The wiring of our thoughts and the choices of our actions (our patterns) dictate whether we are using our gifts to help ourselves and others or if we are sabotaging ourselves and others.
Spoiler alert: we all have done both at some point in our lives.
An Inner Journey
Using discernment to fully look at our wounds, we uncover the treasure chest buried within us that houses our gifts.
Once we have a better understanding of our wounds, we can renew and renovate ourselves to properly and respectfully honor and use our gifts to the best of our abilities, to their highest intentions.
Everyone has the capacity and the birthright to explore their inner world, uncovering the treasures that have been buried inside of us all along. This work takes every ounce of courage and strength that one has. It’s a worthy cause that shouldn’t be ignored if one wants to live the best version of their life. Luckily, I got to experience this process while analyzing the depths of my wounds, wrapped in a cozy blanket of support while participating in The Inner Journey Course.
During the Inner Journey, I was able to take a microscope to my wounds and fuse my findings into newly established healthy patterns, my healthiest way of being thus far on my life journey. The Inner Journey helped me peacefully integrate a new level of Divine intelligence—my higher self, guiding me 24/7 with ever-present self-observation and self-awareness of who I am being and how I respond in real-time to the situations and relationships around me. It’s… magical. I wish this experience for everyone. I believe inner work is how we’ll create a thriving society and a loving new world in the years to come.
The Journey Ahead
Doing this kind of inner work to tidy up our thoughts and patterns will naturally have us vibrating at a new level. When we reach a new level, our manifestations begin to match the new version of ourselves. Therefore, when we do our inner work, we put ourselves in a position to attract aligned partnerships into our lives—partnerships and harmonious relationships of all kinds that encourage and support the versions and visions of our higher selves and purpose.
As I patiently wait for that perfectly aligned man of mine to make his entrance onto my stage, I surrender into the unknown of how and when it will happen while simultaneously surrendering into the known that it will inevitably happen. The true work of manifestation is a path of continued evolution.
These last seven years alone working on my wounds and cultivating abundant self-love was absolutely necessary. I’m excited to put all the things I’ve learned into practice with a partner. More than anything, I’m finally in a place where I am ready to actively contribute to another person’s growth while allowing him to actively contribute to my growth. Divine sacred life partnership is the next journey of my evolution.
If I had met my man this time last year, I would not be who I am today (and my guess is he would not be who he is today). By rewiring our outdated software as needed, we create new conscious patterns, continually becoming the person we’re meant to be, inevitably attracting relationships of all kinds with integral, aligned harmonics.