There are continuous moments in every seeker's life when one is asked to level up. This process of self-discovery requires wound healing, humility, surrender, recognition of universal magnetism, and evolution—it is an inner journey for those seeking depth and authenticity. What is an inner journey? Explore the wild and heart-centered way of the inner journey through this personal story of ever-unfolding surrender.
Inner Journey: Locks and Keys
In the spring of 2009, I realized what I was going to do with my time here on Earth. I was 23 and everything was possible. Since then, I have been diligently focused, making conscious choices that were weaving together the life I’m meant to live. I can also recall moments in my formative years of finding keys that helped me unlock each door along my path. My life’s journey has been a perfect mosaic of experiences for my dharma to be front and center. Although I’ve known and actively cultivated my dharma for quite some time, on November 4, 2019, I received a hit of internal guidance that prompted me to dive deeper into my inner workings than I’d ever gone before.
The Path of Discovery
Dharma is an Eastern philosophy concept that oftentimes translates to sacred purpose. My dharma is to contribute new ways of understanding and experiencing self-love through emotional intelligence reflected through the lens of relationships. A self-love revolution is happening and I’m more than excited to participate and play my part.
The information I received last November was essentially an upgraded version of my dharma. The vision came in similar to what I imagine a life review upon death would be like. It was displaying an option of what was to come if I were to choose it. I sat with the info for a little bit, eventually settling into meditation to dig deeper. While in meditation, I was shown and told, “You’ve spent the last decade trying to manifest this particular life, but there’s another path that is much bigger and better than you could even imagine. Would you like to have this experience instead?”
With tears filling in my eyes, I nodded yes then heard, “Buckle up Buttercup, it’s into the dark woods of transformation you go.” (My internal guidance has always come through with a sense of humor. For this, I am forever grateful. Laughter has proven time and time again to be a cure-all and the great equalizer of emotions.)
It was clear that I was going to need new tools if I was to build a new life. Shortly after this vision, a dear friend pointed me toward the Joan of Sparc community where I signed up for The Inner Journey course. What I always find fascinating about any journey is that each time I am presented with a new opportunity to transform, the right people and places magnetically click into place.
What Is an Inner Journey?
An inner journey is something that we’re all having, whether we’re conscious of it or not. I’m in constant awareness that my thoughts dictate the way I perceive the outcomes of my life circumstances. The outer part of life would not be possible without the inner part of life first.
An inner journey is an ever-unfolding process of personal thoughts, emotions, and visions. And for me, this deeply personal process that has unfolded over the last nine months has been all about surrendering. Once I was deep into the work of my inner journey, I began cutting the cords of my own resistance.
I began to peel back the layers of my denied pain. I’d spent years trying to harmonize this pain by sweeping my unattractive attributes and experiences under the rug. For all of my adult life, I carried on as if I hadn’t been affected by the unstable emotional environment of my childhood. November 4th will forever be the anniversary of the day I finally tripped over it, falling face-first onto the next level of my seeker’s path. The Inner Journey will forever be the tool I needed to add to my collection to build the life of my dreams.
I’ll be the first to say that if I had read this last sentence on November 3, 2019, I would not have fully understood what it meant. The Inner Journey transformed the way I connect with the Divine, the way I connect with myself, and the way I connect with others. The Inner Journey helped me surrender to my heart.
Inner Journey: The Role of Expectations
I’m a goal-oriented person. Accomplishment, especially when related to soul-growth, always brings me fulfillment. I’ve learned throughout the years that a healthy sense of self-value is important for me to cultivate on my dharmic path. That I’m able to set a goal and achieve it is a reflection of my self-worth that I’ve labored so diligently on cultivating over the last decade.
For me, the Inner Journey wasn’t necessarily about having a specific goal. But, it also wasn’t without expectations. When I started the Inner Journey, my goal and expectation was to evolve. Evolve into what exactly? That was unknown at that time. There were moments of truly being in the unknown, much like the transformation a caterpillar goes through to become a butterfly.
What Do You Learn on an Inner Journey?
The Inner Journey helped me rise to the occasion of my dharma; becoming the teacher and leader I've always known in my heart that I am meant to be. One of the things that I needed to sweep out from under my rug was a control issue that stemmed from my childhood. For me, control, when used in a healthy manner, helps me produce the work I am here to give to humanity. Control, when used in a wounded manner, repels what I need to get said work done.
During the Inner Journey, I dug deep to learn the facets of my control wound. So deep that I ended up having a conversation while in meditation with my inner child, the sweet little girl who had witnessed embodied emotional distress. At age six, this sweet inner child of mine locked up her heart. Luckily, she hadn’t thrown away the key; she was holding it, keeping it safe until I was ready to acknowledge her pain. I bravely embraced the key and unlocked my heart, perhaps another instance of surrender at its finest.
In order for me to deliver my stories to help others, the messages I share must be emotionally neutralized. In the past, I’ve been a screamer and I’ve been a crier of those messages. My wound was running the show. Once I was able to neutralize my emotions by applying discernment to my thoughts and feelings, I found a new sense of internal balance. I'm walking away from the Inner Journey with an acknowledged wound that finally got the healing it deserved. I learned that our wounds can be our superpowers once properly aligned.
The Inner Journey Never Ends
As long as we’re living, we’re inner journeying. This kind of work is not for the faint of heart. Yet, is anything for the faint of heart these days? This time period is demanding that we reevaluate our lives and understand how we participate in our world.
Since I’ve learned more about my wounds and how to consciously surrender, I’m now walking the path with a fresh vision of my dharma.
Many things have happened since that fateful spring of 2009 when I first realized my dharma. I fell in love with writing and producing. I created an overall environment where my discipline outweighs any of my fears. I’ve loved people and I’ve lost people. I’ve lost old versions of myself only to find more evolved versions of myself. I’ve reclaimed the power that I’d carelessly given away to others whom I thought shared similar visions. Now, 23--year-old me would look at 35-year-old me in astonishment, realizing even more things are possible as I continue to evolve.
Joan of Sparc’s Inner Journey course and book are undoubtedly tools I will continue coming back to, over and over—each time life presents a new inner journey for me to take. I now know how to be the woman I’m meant to be thanks to the evolution gifted to me from the Inner Journey. Surrendering to my own inner wisdom will be my guiding compass as I move forward on the journey.